Ignite

“When a sense of dissatisfaction persists, that means it was placed there by God for one reason only: you need to change everything and move forward. I’ve been through this before. Whenever I refused to follow my fate, something very hard to beat would happen in my life… When faced with loss, there is no point in trying to recover what has been; it’s best to take advantage of the large space that opens up before us and fill it with something new. In theory, every loss is for our own good…” -Paulo Coelho-

I had just arrived in Raleigh, NC. It was around 9:30 at night and I had a burning desire to lace up my shoes and jog. Running had become my escape, my way to block out all of the chatter in my head and forget about troubles. I put my headphones in, turned my playlist on random, walked to the street and began to run.

I couldn’t clear my head on this night. Things hadn’t been perfect in my life. One loss had been accompanied by another. My hope had started to diminish, and even worse, my faith had hit rock bottom. I was angry, sad, humiliated, and heartbroken. I looked up and exhaled a cloud of steam into the air. The sky was clear and seemed so large because it wasn’t restricted by mountains as the sky had been at my previous home. I took the time to gaze at the stars while I was jogging and I began to feel an overwhelming since of loss, but it wasn’t the loss of someone else or something, I realized how lost I felt. I took a minute to let that sink in - to really feel the emotions that came with my realization. Tears began to roll down my face.

I had gotten to a place I didn’t think I would ever find myself. I felt as if my soul had been entirely ripped out of my body. “Everything is You” by Eli Young Band began playing through my headphones, accelerating the speed at which tears rolled from my eyes. It was at this moment that the meteor shower began. I stopped jogging and stood watching as each meteor flashed through the sky and vanished as quickly as it had appeared. Fleeting moments flashed through my head, and I began to make a connection.

People and events are meteors in our life. They appear and are a brilliant and beautiful sight. Just as we gain hope from wishing on shooting stars, these people and events are so inspiring they give us hope that there is more to look forward to than what we originally thought. Some of these things exit as quickly as they enter your life, and when they do, they leave a gaping hole. When I first had this thought I was bitter. Why and how could this happen? Why would we be subjected to what felt like torture at times?

Something bigger and bolder began to form in my head, however. This moment itself was fleeting. The meteor shower wouldn’t last long, nor would the feelings that I had at that moment. I allowed myself to feel the pain and see the beauty of the moment. I felt in my soul that this was my Creator’s way of showing me that I was exactly where I needed to be. It was a beautiful moment that I knew wouldn’t last - I had to take the time to appreciate and be humbled. In that instant, I knew that I needed to begin to appreciate situations for what they are, good or bad, and feel the emotions and feelings that come and learn from them. I had held onto anger and had been spiteful for too long.

I began to see that the anger and pain I had been holding was breaking my soul. By clinging to those feelings, I was allowing them to dictate my life. I was not in control. All of the things which had happened that I was trying to forget about were controlling me. This was all taking me farther away from my true path. In that moment, I let it all go. Where resentment had been, there was appreciation for lessons learned, for moments I will always cherish, and for blessings I hadn’t been able to see because of the hurt I felt. The dissatisfaction I had felt for so long began to subside because I knew I was finally on the right path. I began to realize I had been avoiding the path I should have been on long before this recent pain. I always had an excuse to not travel on my true path, and I had always found a reason to put it off. This was the universe pushing me back in the right direction.

It’s funny how experiencing loss and pain will make you begin to search within yourself. When life led me to a dark place I came to a startling realization: although events in my life had left me stunned and hurt, I had been hurting myself more because I hadn’t been true to my own destiny for such a long time. We all must realize that life gets much easier when we lean into the things we know are right. Those things are what lead you to finding your true self and true happiness.

Thanks to 365q.ca for the image.