“We are soul mates,” she said to me.
I had been staring up at the starry Colorado sky, lost in thought of the conversation we’d had over the previous two hours. Her statement snapped my gaze back to her. I can’t imagine the emotions my face showed in that moment: fear, excitement, wonder…
I had never had another human say anything to me so simply, yet with such conviction and purpose. I could hear truth in her voice. Upon locking eyes with her, I knew she truly meant what she had said.
My emotions from the moment were so strong and overwhelming I had become speechless.
“We have many soul mates - people we connect with on a level so deep it moves our soul,” she said through a smile.
I knew exactly what she meant. It’s hard to explain, the first time we met I felt as if my soul were on fire. The energy she brought to the room, to my being, was unmistakable - beautiful. We understood one another.
Here I stood, next to someone I had met only two days earlier, and I could’ve danced I felt so ecstatic! At the time, I did not have the capacity to understand what that moment meant for me and my soul. I found myself emotionally confused in the following days. Even worse, I was terrified again. What did all of these feelings mean?
Prior to attending the BOLD Academy in Boulder, CO, my soul was anything but on fire. I felt as if everything in my life was wrong or wasn’t good enough. I had a list of accomplishments, yet I felt fulfilled by none of them. Every day I felt a little more empty. Every day I prayed for God to show me what I needed to do, where I needed to be, and what I needed to say for others to understand what I was feeling.
Two months after leaving Colorado, I was back to where I had started. The excitement of everything I’d experienced had worn off, and I was miserable. I found myself longing for the connection I had experienced with a soul mate in Colorado.
I thought back to that night under the Colorado sky, and my heart leapt with joy.
“Why?” I said aloud. With every fiber of my being I wanted to know. For years I’d been longing for more, but I didn’t know what I was searching for. On this night, I was going to get my answer from the last person I ever expected it to come from - myself.
I realized I had been a stranger to my True Self. I was disappointed and miserable because my decisions and actions had continuously “drugged” my soul back to sleep whenever it would try to whisper, “I’m here…there is more…” Traveling to Colorado was the first time I had listened to my True Self since before I’d graduated from high school.
Prior to this adventure I had turned down other great opportunities. I always had an excuse. All of those excuses were just fear. “I can’t leave, my grandpa is ill.” “I can’t go, I’m in a relationship.” “My mom and dad would be so devastated if I left home.” It was all fear.
To be completely honest, when I decided to go to Colorado, I was terrified. In fact, even after I left I was contemplating turning around. “If I get one hour away and still feel this terrified, I’m turning around.”
Something amazing happened in that hour in my car. I had finally leaned into my fear by leaving that morning, and, as it always does, the fear turned to excitement. I knew I’d made the right choice. It wasn’t easy, but it was right.
It had taken months for me to grow into that moment and understand the meaning of that starry night in Colorado - my soul’s awakening. It was the beginning of my journey.
It all goes back to the decision to keep driving past my fear. Because of that choice, my True Self awoke underneath a beautiful starry sky, with a soulmate by my side.
And nothing has been the same since…
A very special thank you to Denise Duquette for being an amazing soul mate and helping inspire this post (and even helped in editing!) Also a huge thanks to my dear friend Courtney Williams for reading and editing!
Photo Credits: 365q.ca